HOODIE WARD

Bear Market Division — Field Gear
Military-grade thermal protection for extended periods of portfolio hypothermia. Heavyweight cotton construction rated for -99% wind chill. Each unit features REKTWEAR Toy Co. patch approval and institutional distressing.
INDICATION: Prolonged exposure to bear markets without adequate emotional insulation.
DOSAGE: Layer as needed. Hood up during red candles.
SIDE EFFECTS: Involuntary HODLing, delusions of recovery, warmth.
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