INCIDENT REPORT #002
SUBJECT: DUE DILIGENCE.
STATUS: ARRIVED AFTER THE FUNDS.
We bought it.
Then we opened the documentation.
The transaction was confirmed before we had confirmed what the project did. At the time, this felt like efficiency.
BASIS FOR PURCHASE
The initial research file contained:
- A ticker we could pronounce.
- A green candle we considered time-sensitive.
- A stranger with an expensive profile picture saying “early.”
The stranger had not attached supporting documents. Neither had we.
Someone in the group chat asked what it actually did. We replied “infrastructure,” then opened another tab to check which kind.
By then, our position had a cost basis. Our explanation was still loading.
DOCUMENTATION OPENED
After the buy, we became extremely interested in fundamentals.
We found the roadmap. We read the team page. We learned the name of the thing we already owned and began using its abbreviation in sentences.
A paragraph we had not understood became “the thesis.” We saved it for anyone who asked. Nobody had asked again.
The browser accumulated enough tabs to look employed. The whitepaper stayed open on page one while we checked whether the price had noticed our diligence.
CONFLICTING EVIDENCE
Positive comments entered the file immediately. Negative comments required further investigation into the commenter's motives.
A concern we would have taken seriously before buying now sounded suspiciously like FUD. We checked the author's profile for a reason not to read the rest.
We were no longer deciding whether to buy. We were preparing the explanation for why we already had.
The intake desk requested the original investment thesis.
We submitted a screenshot of the candle.
PHYSICAL EVIDENCE
The back of the Ape First, Research Later Ultra Hoodie records the sequence without editing it for the group chat.
An ape in a varsity jacket. Sunglasses on. Phone out. The slogan above and below him does not pretend the research happened first.
The hoodie is the H3 440GSM retro oversized model. The weight belongs to the garment. The explanation remains ours to carry.
FINAL FINDING
No missing research was found. It was all there, dated after the purchase.
The research was thorough. The purchase was earlier.
Adjacent file: Incident Report 001: Gas Fees Ate My Lunch
Archive: THE INTAKE DESK
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