The Ultra Hoodie — Ape First | 440GSM Oversized | REKTWEAR

RX-013
INDICATION: Chronic conviction in the absence of due diligence.
DOSAGE: 1 per unvetted opportunity. Do not research.
SIDE EFFECTS: Belonging, knowing smirks from strangers, portfolio damage.

ISSUED GEAR. APE FIRST DIVISION. RESEARCH-OPTIONAL. STATUS: STILL HOLDING.

You did not request this uniform. You earned it. Through the Whitepaper Bypass, the DYOR Boycott, the Rug Pull Ambush, and the FTX Siege. The red flags were banners, the chart was decoration, and the helmet stayed on. This is the official issue of the Ape First Division — property of the Department of Financial Coping. The ape does not research. The ape holds.

The Ape is not a mascot. He is a warning label that learned to walk. Recruited during the Great DYOR Shortage of 2021, he rose through the ranks not by merit, but by velocity. His first deployment was a memecoin launch at 3:47 AM. He did not read the contract. He sent it. The chart went vertical, then diagnostic. He was promoted immediately. The varsity jacket is regulation. The sunglasses were prescribed after he stared directly into a liquidity drain and did not blink. The phone in his hand is not a communication device. It is a trigger mechanism.

He receives links. He receives screenshots. He receives that message from a guy who knows a guy who was in the beta. He acts on all of them. His portfolio is a graveyard of good intentions and worse timing. He is smiling because he has not checked the portfolio yet. He will check it later. The Ape is now.

At 440GSM — 13 ounces of 100% pre-shrunk cotton — this is the heaviest hoodie we make. Sun-faded finish. Oversized. Drop-shoulder. Heavy-duty drawcord. The fabric holds its shape like a decision you already made. The wash is not a defect; it is a veteran's patina. The hood stays up. The cuffs don't stretch out. The pocket doesn't sag.

This is not a hoodie. This is a deployment.

Welcome to the division. Admission was free. Recovery is not guaranteed.

— REKTWEAR

SPECS

• 100% pre-shrunk cotton

• 440GSM / 13 oz

• Sun-faded washed finish

• Oversized drop-shoulder fit

• Ships in branded charcoal packaging

FIT

Model is 6'0" / 183cm, wearing size L. Oversized fit — size down for a closer body, true to size for the boxy drape.

CARE

Wash cold. Hang dry. Wear it like a badge.

SHIPPING

Crafted in-house and shipped within 48 hours. Standard delivery to the US: 7–12 business days. Express available at checkout.